“This has led me to do things I should not have done and which I will not do again; it has left scars on my body and on my soul, it has meant hurting certain people, although I have since asked their forgiveness, which I realized that I could do absolutely anything except force another person to follow me in my madness, in my lust for life. I don’t regret the painful times; I bear my scars as if they were medals. I know that freedom has a high price, as high as that of slavery; the only difference is that you pay with pleasure and a smile, even when that smile is dimmed by tears.”
Damn, I forgot how much sense this book made.
The only thought in my head was “She’s mad at me. I know nothing I can say will change her mind about it… Maybe she’ll forgive me in time but I just didn’t want her problems with her mother to get any worse… I was only trying to help. Maybe I shouldn’t anymore. Or do I keep going? I don’t know… I just know that she won’t want to talk to me any time soon. No matter how much I say sorry… So how do I distract myself… I wish I could just make everything better. There’s nothing for me to do. I’m going to be trapped with my thoughts…”
The littlest things get me worried when it comes to her. I’ve never cared about someone this much.
you will not make me feel bad about being quiet
you will not make me feel bad about my body
you will not make me feel bad about stumbling over my words
you will not make me feel bad about being nervous
you will not make me feel bad about not knowing everything
you will not make me feel bad about having a sense of humor that you don’t get
you will not make me feel bad about being tired
you will not make me feel bad about how i dress
you will not make me feel bad
I actually want to cry…
I finally checked my grades and it turns out that I’m averaging at Cs and I’m probably gonna fail two classes.. I don’t know what to do.. It’s not like I can do make up work or anything like that. There’s no more work left. There’s only the final. I really REALLY hope that I can pass them, but if I can’t, then I’m hoping I can make them up by just taking them again next semester :/
Everything is just piling up again. I already told my parents that I returned the iPad and I haven’t gotten a call from the manager yet, but I’m really hoping that I don’t have to pay the $500. Fingers crossed that they forgot they issued that iPad to me. I’m really freaking out already. To be honest, I keep telling people I can afford it, but I really can’t. I have about $300 in my account… But I’m trying to make up for it all by working. There’s an estimated 23 more days of my work left and if I budget $25 a day, then that’s $575. I’d be able to pay it off by then..
My main concern is just my classes right now. Thank god my parents don’t get any notification of my grades, or I’d probably get everything taken away. Everything will work out just fine in the end. I know it. But it’s just, I’m going through a rough time already. I’m hoping the world will be considerate and nice to me. But that’s too much to ask for..